A beautiful selfie of me and my new designer sunglasses or shoes or hat or any other unimportant piece of apparel

Like my post...
Like my post...
Ahhhh, someone liked my post

My profile is sooo good
Where it says education
I put "school of hard knocks"
Where it says Favourite books
I picked a random sample from the New York Times list of top 100 books of all time.

I read my Facebook newsfeed
Germaine Greer has an original thought
Who the fuck does she think she is?
Now she has really pissed off the herd
I share the post and write a brilliant put down of her.
If one strays from the herd others might too
It's "safe as" being in the herd.

Lots of my friends LIKE my put down
12 likes!!
I love how my Facebook friends all think the same as me.
Fuck I love Facebook


A photo of a cat
Surely cats have been taught to take selfies by now
I don't like cats
In fact I fucking hate cats
But my friends love it when I like their cat photos
"Like"
For added sincerity I reply
Oh, how cute!
The friend whose cat photo I liked likes my like
Fuck I love Facebook

Marla posts that Abbot is a fucking dirtbag
Is she trying to win an award for stating the bleeding obvious?
But I like her post and she likes that I like her post

My half soy mocha decaf latte arrives
Click
"Share"
3 friends like my photo of my half soy mocha decaf latte.
It's as if my Facebook friends are right here having a coffee with me
Fuck I love Facebook

A baby refugee washes up on a beach
I'll show you how much I care about refugees
I won't just like this post
I'll share this post
Click
"Share"
Saving the world
One click at a time
Like my post...
Like my post...
Think of those poor refugees and like my post
Anybody who does not like my post must hate refugees
Like my post, like my post…

I shift in my chair
My left butt cheek is getting sore from all this activism

Bill just posted that he tried Boags Draught on tap
And hates it
I love Boags Draught on tap.
What do I do?
Like his post?
Ignore his post?
I like Bill
So I like his post
And for added sincerity I add
"Yeah it's piss"

Walking along the beach at Anglesea
If the world has a sunset but it doesn't get put on Facebook
Did the sunset ever happen?


A weekend away
At the beachside cafe
She goes to the toilet
I have 4 notifications
3 friend requests
2 selfie likes
And a partridge in a pair tree
I want to tell her how much I love being with her
Without looking up from her phone she smiles and tells me that Angie has the winning bid for dog grooming kit on eBay

Linda puts a new profile pic up
Linda changes her profile pic a lot
Fifth time this week
But wait
Where is the rainbow?
Doesn't she care about marriage equality anymore?
I won't give her a like
It will only encourage her
Who changes their profile pic more than 4 times a week anyway?
What is she
A fucking narcissist?

In bed with my woman
God that feels so good
Oh yes baby,
Ping
Incoming message
I don't answer it cos I'm not a Facbook addict
But I do wonder who its from.

Sean puts a "funny as" post up
He hates ticket inspectors
Wonders if they go to the same bars as parking inspectors and debt collectors to hook up
Everyone piles on the ticket inspectors
Funny as
But wait!
A heretic posts
Sticks up for ticket inspectors
Mumbles something about them just being working stiffs like the rest of us
HOW DARE HE CHALLENGE THE GROUPTHINK
Blasphemer
The heretics post gets deleted
Order returns to Facebook

The incoming message was from my mum
She has found the photo folder titled "Christmas party pics 2013"
I'm very disappointed in you son
So am I mum

Beth always likes my posts
I see her at the poetry reading
We wave but do not talk
She is not THAT sort of friend
But she always likes my posts

My workmate Bill puts up an anti muslim post
I like Bill but not his views
What to do?
I reply
"Live and let live hey Bill?”
No reply
Silence
Facebook silence
In Facebook world
no one hears you scream
The post disappears
Bill disappears
I've been defriended
Wait...
I've been blocked
Facebook death
I AM DEAD...